508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
