Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
