It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
