Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
