its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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