I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
