I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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