Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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