He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
