your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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