Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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