all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
