we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
