Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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