i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
