you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
only you would photoshop your dick
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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