I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
