Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
