five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So apparently I’m into choking now
The air taste purple.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
