i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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