he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
