Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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