i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
