I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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