cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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