Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
