Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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