Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
