I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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