I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize