Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
