I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
how drunk are you?
Several
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize