I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
