My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
