I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
