I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
