i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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