yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
