Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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