Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
