i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize