I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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