to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
