everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
