i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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