We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
