you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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