i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
