Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize