I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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