Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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