It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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