I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
