I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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