Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
