If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
