I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
