I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
