Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
