k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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