last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
