She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize