I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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