I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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