My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize