dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
