U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
