Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
why is half of my head shaved?
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