someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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