Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
