A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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